goddess of the night; of light

i sink and bob, floating ... feeling

small flakes of ice surrounding

my heart

begin to thaw or flake off

and in this thaw i realize

how very frozen i am.

cold and numb

withdrawn

surrounded by beauty, friends, laughter-

all attempting to draw me into full life

a circle of warmth.

more, more more is coming.

always coming.

and when i sit with my self of selves,

deep inside dwells a heart like a lotus

open enough to hold all.

but right now, in a false move for protection,

a hurricane globe of thin ice surrounds the flower.

soon to be thawed

or quickly shattered

back from processing

into feeling

as i float, bob, sink and rise.

12/5/10

God is everything
and i feel like my heart is being cleared of chaff
so that I can see God in everything

or rather

see God next to me

in me

in you
more clearly
it will never be perfect
and it kind of hurts
badly
but
it is worth it
for a better infusion of grace
and surrender
and ...
everything.

prayer

my heart if full with it all

overwhelmed and assumed

a greater outpouring that i can't even articulate

this connectedness that keeps bringing me back to myself.

me back to ourself.

connection!

in his eyes, i can see

my own heart

opened

and this offering is not burnt

but i can smell the sweet smoke

raising, dissipating into the atmosphere

adding a small mass to the all surrounding greater love

prayer prayer prayer

and everything is deepened.

sorrow

the pain encircled our body

throbbing, swelling, pulling, pulling... pulling

as we dragged the devil into the light

Christ's body

heaving with last- oh, why are we forsaken?

crucified to bring justice

a Woman, beaten with a bat, robbed

in front of St. Gert's

pain, pain, pain

encircling us

as we dip our hands into the wound

and believe it is Christ's body

gasping and broken

hope seems far and small

a pure light shining in an unreachable distance

where is the resurrection now

why are we stuck at Friday

i've been thinking about peter maurin

the dark starry night

swirling and shining above

with crisp, crisp air

flowing through me

the pureness of earth

given for me.

shown to me.

Jesus!

It is dark and Your tomb is

empty.

sadness and self-pity overwhelm.

does leaving the nature mean leaving You?

Go eat, You say.

Eat, and I have more to show you.

I return with my steaming mug,

but it is not to the twin oaks that You call.

You beckon towards the East

and I follow.

hands warmed by my Pope coffee mug,

face burrowed in fleece,

I walk fast.

I think I know what You want to show me.

And there it is.

I reach the openness

and my self rejoices

The night is no longer dark,

You have lit the sky with

all color

You have lifted the weight from my

heart.

You have risen, and returned.

and nothing else matters

except the truth existing in now.

sweet communication

hands clasped

heart’s pathways connected

by warm, throbbing palms

sending the communal silent love of

what we don’t understand

above

above

in honest surrender and repentance.

lives misled by results

re-membered through this

mystery.

This great Being of love.

simple intimacy

and yet Somehow

this is all I need

to sit before You

and be known.

to breathe in and out

as Your heart

and mine

connect, unite, merge

a beam of light

holding us together

the simplicity of this is shocking

being with You

as natural as breathing

and my city problems fall away.

how can they compete

with sisters singing in a meadow?

or the wind moving my hair

and whispering Your love

and I know I will return

to issues and sadness

and maybe my life is to make those

less.

but what if my life were to be

something much simpler?

a return to the earth.

a return to myself.