where is that river?

i need something to calm brewing waters

something more soothing than chamomile

or the fireplace

i need peace.

i lose it; sometimes find it

believe i can stumble into it

or summon it

but really, peace always just...

comes

upon me

immersing me.

and my brewing waters are submerged

into something bigger

--endless---

maybe my heart isn't opened

maybe i'm looking too hard.

or not hard enough?

pax christi,

i need you.

what am i willing to give up

to allow you in?

i sometimes get lost in it

how do you prepare to live on the other side for a few months?

on the other side of the world

maybe on the other side of what life is like

on the other side of history

apparently by reading.

all these required readings

centered on apartheid

expose my ignorance

and fill me with a heaviness...

that leaves me wondering if I can/should go to this place

filled with the darkness of humanity

or can I do this fast?

centered on the darkness of humanity

torture and injustice

but in prayer, I realize the fallacy of the darkness

on the other side, I'll experience the goodness of humanity

in fasting for Guantanamo, I'll honor the dignity of humanity

my life experiences are full of life

when I forget that

and get lost in the darkness

I lose.

sight of truth, hope, and the Way..